CHAPTER FOUR

That afternoon, it became official. After lunch, Jean brought a stack of papers in to be signed, releasing me from the service, signing for my 100% disability pay, and the court order for the legal change of my sex and name. I signed 1 Lt. James Stevens for the last time, and carefully affixed Brenda Marie Steven's name to the court order acceptance form. I was now legally and finally a woman in the eyes of the world, all I had to do was the hard part, become Brenda in my own eyes.

It wasn't too lively an afternoon, and Jean seemed to realize that I needed solitude more than cheering up. In a sense, I spent the time when I was not napping, to look back and mourn the death and end of Jim Stevens. Even after seeing the beauty of the body and face that the Doctor had created, I felt uncomfortable and depressed. I avoided look- ing in a mirror, and the one time that I got up to wash my face, the weight of my new breasts seemed to pull me over while walking. I quickly got back to bed and tried to lie as flat on my back as possible, so that the weight and movement would not be noticed.

The next day, Jean bustled in early as usual, threw back the shades and greeted me in her own chipper way. I woke up slowly, the sleep had temporarily made me forget my circumstances and the dreams of the night took me back to my college days. As sleep left me, I sat up and the weight of the breasts, forced me to remember what I had endured. I didn't even reply to her cajoling.

"What's the matter, Brenda?"

"Do you have to start first thing by reminding me what you people have done. My name isn't Brenda, and it isn't Jim, either anymore, just call me subject 25 or something."

"Do you have to start being nasty first thing in the morning, espe- cially after I went out early this morning and got you a present?”

I looked across the room and noticed the bouquet of flowers that she had brought in with her.

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